Hello everyone. Because I’m cool, I’ve been to the cinema a lot recently. So, here’s my thoughts on some of those filmy films:

Kick-Ass

This is another one, just like The Watchmen, that I’ve been looking forward to since I first heard of its catapult from the colourful page to the big screen. I respect both director Matthew Vaughn and star Aaron Johnson for their filmy prowess AND their ability to snag famous girlfriends (go look them up if you’re interested) – but I was more excited because of the premise of taking a thoroughly worn story (disaffected everyman/boy decides to shun the social norms and become a vigilante hero to fight crime) and spinning the story with both a sense of reality (Kick-Ass gets his ass kicked, a lot, and at times, horrifically) with a highly stylised super-slick not-quite-real-but-certainly-amazing action sequences (Hit Girl and Big Daddy).

It all works because the balance of humour and peril and action is worked brilliantly and is in turn, completely immersing and mesmerising experience. One of the most flat-out enjoyable and possibly, best – films I’ve seen in years. If it doesn’t achieve complete mainstream success, it will more than certainly achieve an untouchable cult status.

Shutter Island

I’ve never felt the need to bone Scorsese the way many critics and fanboys have, but he’s undoubtedly a director of the very highest calibre… and although I’ve never felt the need to bone Leonardo DiCaprio the way many pubescent young ladies did through the 90s, I have become a fan through his performances in films such as The Aviator, The Departed and Revolutionary Road.

Boning aside, I was looking forward to Shutter Island – as ostensibly it was Scorsese does Haunted House! Whatever will be bring to this, a most shoddy horror sub-genre? The answer was… well, nothing as it’s not actually a Haunted House film at all. In fact, I thought it was pretty dire for the first 130mins, then the twist is twisted, and everything seemed to make sense – or at least excuse – the rest of the film. I’m unsure if it was Scorsese’s intention to make it quite as crap for the first half, but I like to think so.

I Love You Phillip Morris

I was a concerned that the butt (forgive the pun) of the jokes in this Jim Carrey film would consist of tasteless jibes at homosexuality and homosexual culture, but turned out to be a far more sensitive and often, quite touching film with plenty laughs, hotpants and the occasional bit of sodomy thrown in. The story involves the escapades of an adopted closet-homosexual (Carrey) deciding to come out to the world after being rejected by his newly found birth-mother and being involved in a nasty car crash and uses his quite considerable brain-powers to con supermarkets, corporations and the governments out of millions of dollars, and eventually prison. It’s definitely one of Carrey’s best performances, as he manages to be both the rubbery faced idiot of old, and the more serious actor-man of films such as the sublime Eternal Sunshine.

Green Zone

Although my favourite Bourne film was the one that Paul Greengrass didn’t direct, he still made two of three supremely amazing thrillers starring the formally not particularly amazing Matt Damon. Both Greengrass and Damon have since risen to amazing status a few times over, and Green Zone – a story of an American soldier searching in vain for WMD in an invaded Iraq on the brink of civil war – had the potential to be super-fantastic. And, for the most part, Green Zone is completely spot-on excellent, intelligently written, an electric pace, well acted, not overly homoerotic… but comes unstuck somewhat at the end when, after a thrilling chase sequence with crazy-shaky-cams (a Greengrass special) the film ends with quite a forced and all too ‘neat’ ending to an extremely messy political situation which is still very much a mess. For the record, I still got more out of it than The Hurt Locker.

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

This one came out of nowhere for me, not having read the books or having very little knowledge of their existence, I was unaware of author Stieg Larsson and his ‘millenium trilogy’ or that he sadly died before their publishing – but I’m certainly a sucker for an intelligent thriller, 5 star ratings, or a female lead with tattoos – so this one sounded interesting. It’s also along with Kick Ass, one of the best films I can remember seeing of late. The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo is in turns brutal, ingenious and beautiful, and can’t help make you wonder why Hollywood isn’t making films as good as these? Is it because they treat their audience as idiots – give ‘em explosions, give ‘em big named bland actors! give ‘em all the clichés you can think of! But don’t try anything that requires a few brain cells… too risky’ – probably. This is the first part of the already filmed trilogy, so sign me up for the rest of them.

green zone, i love you phillip morris, kick-ass, shutter island, the girl with the dragon tattoo

A close friend of mine emailed me today to wish me a happy Friday 13th…

I was particularly pleased as he’s always so busy with the slaughter of teenagers and / or anyone who is foolish enough to stand in his way.

One time, he even went into space.

Anyway, here’s his message:

Have yourselves a lovely Friday 13th!

13th, friday, happy

Another little gem from Suzanne’s archives slightly time-wasting, sometimes slightly annoying, online games…..

With tomorrow being Halloween, I thought I’d be topical and share with you a “Guess the Horror Film” courtesy of M&Ms. There’s 50 to find (and no asking Phil because he’s done it before!). Go on click on the picture and have a go, it’s easy…..

After nearly 9 hours (yes NINE hours) of goal-less turmoil this season, Bury finally broke their duck on Saturday. Finally the cuckoodesign.com advertisment board got to see it’s first home league goal. They left it late again (84 minutes to be precise), and not content on just the 1 decided to get another before the end the greedy so-and-so’s. ‘Like buses’ rings true.

Maybe the presence in the stands of Oscar winning, Radcliffe born Shaker Danny Boyle spurred them on to winning ways. Lets hope it’s not another 28 days later until the next goal.

This month I have been spending hours at a time in a dark room scrutinising various cinematical treats. These treats, in order of which I saw them, are as follows:

The Hurt Locker

In which… Jeremy Renner plays a crazy guy who enjoys putting his life in danger a lot when he diffuses bombs in Iraq.

…And that is all I managed to take from this. Other than, bombs go boom! Which I already kind of knew. I’m a fan of Renner, from his likable turns in such films as Assassination of Jesse James and 28 Weeks Later, but his character, along with the story, seem quite skeletal… not quite… fleshed out? There are some memorable scenes though – in particular where our bomb-dismantling protagonist realises that he’s not going to be able to free a man strapped to an explosive in time – panicking, he apologises and promptly runs off in his fetching Michelin Man gear.

District 9

In which… the fetchingly named Sharlto Copely plays a slightly simple government agent who, after being put in charge of removing the alien prawns from District 9, accidently sprays alien juice into his face, which slowly and disturbingly turns him into an alien prawn.

I was looking forward to this one, what with director Neill Blomkamp being the protégé of Sir Peter (I directed the Lord of the Rings) Jackson, and for the most part, other than the scenes which made me feel quite ill (which were a-plenty) the film was enjoyable. Most notably with the massive spaceship looming over Johannesburg’s skyline and the amazing alien weapons. I’m guessing if they make money, we’ll be seeing a District 10.

(500) Days of Summer

In which… Joseph Gordon-Levitt plays a young man interested in The Smiths and finding his perfect girl… before finding her in a lift. Boy meets girl. Boy falls in love. Girl doesn’t. As the film says: ‘This isn’t a love story’.

But, of course, this IS a love story. Just a more realistic one. The film’s charm is its purposeful aversion of tired and clichéd rom-com trappings and its intent to show both the highs and lows of a modern relationship. Both Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Zooey Deschanel are perfectly suited to their characters and I recommend this to anyone who’s been young, romantic and heartbroken… and finicky about their music.

500 days of summer, district 9, the hurt locker

If you like your Sci-fi then this is the movie for you!

It begins describing how aliens came to Earth twenty years ago. With their ship nonfunctional, the aliens aboard were forced to take refuge in District 9.  Back to the present, and Wikus van de Merwe is assigned to relocate the ‘Prawns’ (a derogatory term used by humans) to a new site outside of District 9. But whilst searching the premises of a suspected alien criminal, Wikus comes across a cylinder containing a substance that begins to change him into one of them.

Then begins the struggle for Wikus to save himself from transformation, and to save the aliens by returning them home.

Peter Jackson worked on this so you know straight away that if all else fails, that the special effects will be mind-blowing; and mind-blowing they were. The aliens who were computer generated looked just as real as their human co-stars, which is something we rarely get these days… unless Peter Jackson is working with you!

On another note, I went to watch ‘White Out’ starring Kate Beckinsale on Friday. It followed Beckinsale as a marshal with a past who had gone to Antarctica to escape. What she finds, days from leaving, is that there is a murderer in the midst’s, and it’s her job to find out who it is before everyone leaves the base in time for the approaching storm that will ground them for six months.

If you’re looking for a bit of entertainment then this is not a bad movie. Though apparently, the people who made it felt the need to explain through screen text that Antarctica was ‘The coldest most isolated place on Earth’

I guess this was just in case we didn’t already know?

For a while now – actually, for over 10 years – I’ve been responding to inexcusable and bluntly peculiar notions that Mr Quentin Tarantino is: ‘like… the best director in da world!11′ with a swift and graceful roundhouse kick to the face.

He isn’t, in a way, shape or form, the greatest director in the world; that honour belong to Michael Bay someone else. But, he is, certainly, a very talented man, and with the release of Inglourious Basterds, his crazy but brilliant WW2 revenge thriller, he may have made recompense for the almost unforgivable s***ness that was Kill Bill 1 and 2, and the abhorrent Death Proof.

The trailer, which saw Brad Pitt gurn his way through a molasses-thick Southern drawl – preaching so delectably about the restorative nature of scalping while the camera cuts to scenes of people screaming, people firing machine guns, people hitting other people in the face with baseball bats, and Hitler in a long, flowing Nazi cape doesn’t really capture the film at all. This, as the advertisements will proudly boast, is a Tarantino film, so the violence comes in (admittedly strong) waves, and the rest of the (slightly indulgent) 153 min running time is left to some serious scene chewing by its excellent cast.

It’s not Pitt, either, who steals the film – it’s Christopher Waltz, who will be a newcomer to the majority of English speaking audiences. He’s a force of nature, whose intelligence and psychotic temperament is bettered only by the size of his pipe. Waltz, who plays ‘The Jew Catcher’, stretches the tension to ‘eeeeking’ point in every scene. Particularly that in the opening, which is one of the director’s best.

There are other notable performances by Melanie Laurent, Daniel Bruhl, Diane Kruger, and Michael Fassbender, but what is most pleasing is the fact that, although Quentin Tarantino still can’t resist turning cinematic conventions around for his-own egotistic uber-geek delight, the story actually benefits from his f***ing around. The strangeness and peculiarity of selecting scores from other films, throwing in random use of fonts, props and flashbacks… it all keeps the film comfortably on the other side of reality, allowing the audience to enjoy the great dialogue and extreme justice all the more.

brad pitt, christopher waltz, quentin tarantino

Last Sunday, 2 August, I was lucky enough to get to the Manchester Evening News Arena for the last performance of Walking with Dinosaurs.

The experience was truly magnificent & my 5 year old son Ben & I sat through the whole show completely open-mouthed!

arena, dinosaurs, evening, Manchester, news, walking, with

It comes as something of a shock to some people, but if you scratch below my handsome exterior and dubious taste in eyewear, you’ll find the beating heart of bona fide movie-geek.

There’s almost nothing I enjoy more than a handful of Ben & Jerry’s (preferably in a container of some kind) and a large screen in which to sit, wide-eyed, and enjoy approximately 120 minutes of filmic wonder…

And although my cinema habit isn’t exactly good for me (soaring cinema prices, B&J’s induced heart palpitations) as long as it remains slightly cheaper and healthier than a heroin addiction, I’ll continue going.

Two films I’ve been eager to see this month were Moon, and Antichrist.

Moon is a Sci-Fi film in vein of Kubrick’s 2001: A Space Odyssey (which just happens to be a favourite of mine), with the story focusing on character, rather than the special effects or nasty aliens (actually there are no aliens in either Moon or 2001).

Moon stars Sam Rockwell who has been alone on the surface of the Moon for 3 years, overseeing a large mining operation for Earth’s fuel crisis. Needless to say, after 3 years alone with only the voice of Kevin Spacey as company, he goes mental. Or does he?

The film was thought-provoking, intelligent cinema that manages to impress visually, especially as it only cost around £5million to make, which is about the price of a packet of crisps in Hollywood terms. Go and see it.

Next up was Antichrist, the new film from one of cinema’s most contestable directors – Lars Von Trier and starring Willem Dafoe and Charlotte Gainsbourg.

The story is of a couple who are dealing with the loss of their child due to an accident, and decide to retreat to a secluded wood cabin to grieve and hopefully rebuild their failing relationship.

Admittedly, I’ve hated everything I’ve seen from Lars Von Trier. I usually dismiss it as pretentious, miserable, quasi-misogynistic rubbish – so it’s come as a shock to me that I actually want to see this one. Maybe it’s because of the promise of demonic foxes disembowelling themselves. I’m a sucker for that.

Seen anything decent yourself this month? Either at home or the cinema? Let us know.

antichrist, club, lars von trier, moon, movie, zowie bowie

…. so there’s a new craze out there.

Blockbuster film characters played by your everyday piece of food.

OKay I made that bit up, but I’ll set you all a challenge and see if any of you can beat this piece of meat!!